S6E10 - Making Friends with Fear

Fear isn’t the enemy. It’s the invitation.

In this episode, we dive deep into the truth that business growth doesn’t have to feel hard, heavy, or endlessly self-sacrificing. This is a conversation about devotion, not discipline; about tending to your inner world as carefully as you grow your outer success.

Together, we explore:

• The difference between business strategy and soul-tending
• Why success and growth don’t have to feel hard
• How to meet fear, procrastination, and perfectionism with compassion (not shame)
• The power of somatic and body-based tools over mindset work alone
• Why trauma-informed, safe practices are essential in self-help and business
• The magic of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) for emotional regulation and energy flow
• The need for well-resourced role models—and what it means to become one

Resources Mentioned:

• The Tapping Solution and Gary Craig for quality EFT guidance
• My custom GPT tool, Unapologetic, for personalized tapping scripts and emotional support
• Trauma-informed self-practice masterclass + workbook (details in the episode)

If this episode resonates with you, please leave a rating and review. It truly helps more rebels, disruptors, and heart-led entrepreneurs find this work.

And explore Unapologetic to start creating your own ritual of fearless self-devotion.

UNAPOLOGETIC is a one-of-a-kind coach in your pocket that catches you mid-spiral and whispers, “Hey, you can stop now.” It’s not another mindset pep-talk - it’s nervous-system rehab for rebel entrepreneurs who’ve forgotten how to rest.

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💥 Plus, you’ll see how Human Design overlays onto this system — so your voice, visibility, and vibration are anchored in your true energetic blueprint, not someone else’s formula.

Start here:
👉 Grab ROAR Live (Instant Access, On Demand) for $33: www.kyliepatchett.com/roar-live
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S6E10 - Making Friends with Fear

[00:00:00] strategy is only part of it. It is this soul tending and self devotion that will make the difference between success and growth through a lens of love and evolution and success and growth through the lens of resistance and fear and it all feeling hard. It doesn't have to feel hard.​

[00:01:00] Hello friends. Welcome back to the podcast. This episode is about something very dear to my heart, and that is making friends with fear. Here's the thing, I was somewhere where I was in a public place and I just so happened to be listening in and I can't help myself and I've got someone around me like I don't think I'm a sticky beak, but.

If there is someone around me having a juicy conversation and they're doing it loud enough that I can listen, I'm always like, Ooh, a fly on the wall. So I don't know. I don't know if that makes me not, uh, not respectful. But anyway, that's never my intention. So I was listening to these two people, and one was talking about setting up her new business and.[00:02:00]

They were talking about, oh, have you got your website and have you got your sales page? And, and she had a, a physical product business so she was talking about, , how to get more orders in and how to, go on promotions and she'd booked all of these, , podcast episodes and whatnot.

And I was like, oh, great. , Sounds like she knows what she's doing. Here's what I noticed though. Often when we think about success in business or setting ourselves up for business growth, these are the things that we are thinking about. We are thinking about the marketing. We're thinking about , how to get more eyeballs on our business.

We are thinking about how to actually get our products into the hands of our customers, like the delivery end of things. And hopefully we are also thinking about how to capture and communicate our work in the world and offer the transformation

So our brain will often go with the strategic, with the material, and also with the kind of structural things because that's what we've been taught [00:03:00] business is all about, right? However, what happens when that woman goes out to do her first podcast gig, for instance, and. There's a part of her that doesn't feel safe actually talking about what she is doing because maybe, I don't know, maybe she's been outta the workforce for 10 years raising kids.

Maybe she's not done this before, but it's her heart work, and so it feels like really, really tender. And she's got these parts of her that are like, Ooh, I don't know whether this is safe. And so there becomes this like muddiness in the water. So when she goes on this podcast, she gets off the podcast and she's like, I really.

Fumbled that up. I wasn't clear. I, I wasn't like, I didn't feel calm and you know, whilst that can also be us just being too hard on ourselves, what I would love to ask you is that when you are thinking about business growth, can you also think about how am [00:04:00] I going to respond when inevitably fear, doubt life, lifeing, sickness.

Not feeling like you wanna give a fuck this week about your business because something else has happened. Or is particularly if you're more of an emotional wave kind of person, like maybe you are at the bottom of your wave and you are feeling like quite melancholy and flat and you don't feel like showing up in your business.

How are you gonna deal with those moments? Because that. Is not impacted by your website, it's not impacted by your delivery, and it's not impacted by your marketing. It's not impacted by any of those structural things or material things or logical things or strategy things. What are you gonna do? And if you are like the majority of people that I know and do business with as clients, and also when I go to someone.

We are not necessarily [00:05:00] exposed, particularly in our younger life, to well-resourced women necessarily. I don't know about you, but I didn't have one. No, that's not true. I did have an older lady that I used to call Nana Sade, that was a well-resourced woman that, apart from her, I did not have a reference.

I did not see an example of a woman who took care of her own needs, who knew how to resource herself, who gave herself the ability to rest when she needed that. Had some sort of self tending tools in her toolbox that looked after her physical health, looked after her mental health, looked after emotional health.

I did not have that reference point, and yet as entrepreneurs we have signed up to the wildest, wildest. Transformational rollercoaster road ride of self-development, like we have signed up for one of the most crazy rides up, down, and sideways. Right? But we kind of forget that we need to [00:06:00] actually have some sort of foundation where we know what happens in ourselves, that we know ourselves well enough to know what our kind of.

Patterns of maybe if fear comes up, this is what happens. Maybe if doubt comes up, this is what happens. Maybe if procrastination and perfectionism come out to play, understanding why they've actually been triggered. Because if you are unable to deal with fear, doubt, resistance in real time, I guarantee that your business will be limited.

Making friends with fear is one of the biggest requirements of an entrepreneur. Particularly if you are like most of my clients and you are a rebel or a revolutionary or a disruptor who is by definition doing things differently, which often means you are the first one. Or the first of a few that are out the front, creating these new pathways, which also means that it can be isolating.

You can, you know, receive [00:07:00] rejection, criticism, judgment, not doing it rightness. And if you're like most of my clients, you've also got stuff in your childhood that says, I can't. Put myself out there. Visibility is not safe. Whether that's because you've got like big T trauma in your background, whether you've got many, many, many micro little T traumas that have taught you, you don't have a voice.

It's not safe to speak out. It's not safe to be actually who you are. That you've masked up so much because you've been living neurodivergent but undiagnosed for decades. Put your hand up here, please. All of the above. And so if you've got those things, I would really, really encourage you to figure out what are your making friends with fear tools.

Now, I used to focus on, like I was trained in leadership coaching first. Then I moved into more of a. Human design and mindset lens of my next kind of levels of training. And now I like to wrap that into intuitive coaching. So rather than, keeping all up in the [00:08:00] head and analyzing and thinking things through and talking things through, for me to just be noticing patterns from a big picture perspective and asking high quality questions to, invite some self-reflection, et cetera.

But underneath that. Even better than those tools and techniques in my Mary Poppins bag is actually pulling out tools and techniques that access the body directly so we don't have to talk to the brain. 'cause the brain's job is to separate and differentiate. Our brain likes to say right or wrong, good or bad, black or white.

And if you're talking from a straight mindset perspective, your brain can only. Really filter for what you expect to create. So if you're going out into the marketplace with a belief that you are not worthy of creating a beautiful, successful, nourishing business, guess what you're going to actually see in your reality, more and more evidence that that story is true.

'cause that is the job of your brain, which means it's like the worst thing to listen to. But underneath [00:09:00] that is our unconscious mind and our somatic and body awareness. And so when I am working with a pattern in myself or in a client where it's really ingrained, , you know those patterns that you, I just had one the other day come up again and I'm saying to my friend Jody, for, fuck, so why am I still here?

I get so frustrated with myself and I'm like, okay. Deep breaths and self-compassion, and that self-flagellation part of me that comes up is a protective part by itself. So those patterns that you find yourself in, you're like, I am a pretty switched on individual, but I still keep on finding myself back doing this rut of behavior, and I know where it's gonna go.

It's not creating what I want, but I don't understand how to stop it. I would highly recommend. Don't even try and think about it. Like literally don't even spend time thinking about it because again, your brain wants to differentiate. We need to get down here into a heart [00:10:00] space, into our womb space, into our bellies, into like the, Hmm.

When I, I'm just letting energy medicine and something that I always come back to is this beautiful, . I can feel it in my body. How do I capture that in words? The flow state that happens from the base of your spine to your crown when you allow energy to move in your system in a way that just allows natural balance to occur without looking for the problem, right?

Because again, when we see ourselves stuck in a pattern, when we are trying to attack the pattern or pick at the pattern from the same energy. There's no creative parts of our brain, no parts of our brain that are open to the field of possibilities that maybe I could be free of this pattern, even online, right?

So actually approaching things through a body-based awareness through energy and energetics is so much more powerful. And also, here's the thing, it's so much more [00:11:00] easy. Can you think about how many times you've journaled on something or how many times you've oh, done the journaling prompt, done the shifting, done, the this, done, the that.

It's more thinking about it, right? And I find in myself, I resist somatic tools because they're so effective. And when you have. When you've grown up at a set point of like things having to be hard or chaotic, or not easily available to you, guess again, what your brain will resist. It will resist ease. It will resist tools that make it easy for you to move through things.

Here's what I notice all the time when I'm talking to clients, rather than talking, talking, talking in a mindset way, let's drop into our body and use a somatic tool. There is so many different ways that you can use body and breath yoga, , there's all sorts of different ways of accessing through the body.

I've got. Many, many things in my toolbox of trainings and modalities across many years. [00:12:00] Even going back to, I was just thinking my kids have turned 20 and 21, and I remember going to my first alternative medicine training in traditional Chinese medicine when there were like one and two.

So isn't that crazy? Like sometimes I think, oh, I don't really know enough to be teaching this stuff, and then I'm like, how many decades of lived experience and also how many different modalities do you really need to feel like you are able to, offer some tools to people?

So I, I used to be a medical scientist, so I was working in respiratory and sleep medicine, and I wanted to go into . Medical science because I wanted to help people be well, right? Like that was my overarching intention. I want to help people be well, and I found myself working in a hospital system, which really is a system that waits for people to get sick and then slaps bandaids on top of it, and hopes for the best.

Now, yes, there is a place for absolutely acute medicine. If you are, whacked in the head with a. I dunno, four by four. , And split your head [00:13:00] open. Yes, absolutely. Go get stitches. However, I would say that I am much more of a fan of integrative medicine so long story short, one of the modalities that I keep on coming back to for clients and myself is tapping now tapping about. I don't know, like about 10 to 15 years ago, it was a real it was all the rage, right? Like breath work or somatic coaching is now each modality has its time in the sun and then it will, , fade out again until the next time around, right?

But what I noticed when tapping was all the rage was often tapping was taught.

Oh, I'm censoring myself, so I'm not gonna censor myself because I'm about unapologetic truth, right? In my opinion, tapping was taught in a way that did not give people access to the full modality, and so it. Was not trauma informed, it was not as safe as what it could be, and it was not as effective as what it could be.

At around about that time, I went and did [00:14:00] two levels of EFT practitioner training, and one of the things that I keep on coming back to is that original, original what we call an EFT. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry, reverse emotional freedom technique, so EFT or tapping. There is many, many different pathways or traditions now in EFT. But the one that I was taught in, , has what we call like the basic recipe, right? And so if you're not familiar with EFT in a nutshell. It uses the same meridian system as traditional Chinese medicine. So if you've ever seen, , any of those men or women diagrams with all the lines of energy, often in different colors, and when you are tapping gently on the surface of the ends of these meridians, which are the tapping points, then it is a way of resetting the rivers of energy in the body.

So if we think about the meridians as like, like rivers of energy, right? They're the pathways that our energy, when [00:15:00] we are healthy and balanced, free flow in and out, right? But because of our lifestyle, because of injury, because of emotional upset, because of trauma. What can happen is that these meridians can either get dammed up so that they have like a, if you imagine a dam in a river, right?

It gets clogged up, and it can end up being very full, like very, , all I'm thinking about is the, is the Chinese words for this. So I want to use different language, , a damned up river. So the river is eventually going to burst and that's when you know real.

Dis-ease and imbalance happen. The other thing can happen as well. So if we are out of balance in a different way, we can become really depleted. And that's like the river drying up, right? And the most common kind of condition of depletion that you would've heard about is something like adrenal fatigue, where the kidney energy is so depleted and sucked dry that someone could get into a very, [00:16:00] very large amount of disease and imbalance, right?

, An example of like, too much like damned up energy would be well in perimenopause. So with the way that our body changes and our hormonal cascade changes, there's also more pressure on the liver and gallbladder and in terms of the physical organs, but also the energy pathways that are associated with those organs, not organs.

The energy of those organs. 'cause we're talking about. The meridians are not the physical organs. Anyway, I won't go into too much detail, but in a nutshell we can create conditions of excess energy where liver and gallbladder can't cope with the hormonal changes and getting the hormones out of the body.

And so that's when you can actually get that real strong like irritability. Not being able to cope, being really inflexible. I mean, all of the things that, we do associate with common perimenopause conditions. Definitely my case. Anyway, long story short, tapping is a way of [00:17:00] gently tapping on the ends of these meridians to release any stuckness, depletion, fullness, lack of flow in the pathways of the energy.

The way that it does that and the evidence that we have around it is that we can access stuck states of emotion as well. So it's not just your physical energy body, but your emotional energy body and how you are able to flow through. For me, because tapping is something that doesn't, it doesn't require any equipment, like you don't have to even have a yoga mat like you, you can do tapping anywhere.

You can tap in your car. You can tap in your bed, you can tap at the lunch table, you can tap on the toilet, you can tap wherever you want. So it's easy, it's free, doesn't need any extra requirements, and also it's incredibly powerful if someone is taught from the very beginning, what is the full recipe?

What I don't love about the way that tapping is often taught is that it is entering at like step three of the process, and [00:18:00] they're not giving people an ability to check in with their emotional state, because to me, all of these tools are about. Like first and foremost, they're about awareness of your internal environment, right?

So often when I'm leading clients in like a meditation or any sort of energy work, I will say, imagine that your eyeballs can turn from the outside, external environment and roll inwards. And then we are actually just taking. A little noticing of what we are noticing of this internal, energetic, emotional, physical space, right?

Because the vast majority of us are pretty much up in our brain for most of the day. So to me, the thing that moves or opens up the field of possibilities to completely new pathways for people is awareness. And then having a tool to be able to shift from fear into freedom. Now I have something very exciting to share and I've [00:19:00] shared it on a couple of other episodes, but I'm recording this on the 29th of October.

If you listen and order before the 31st, you can get access to my brand new custom GPT. So I feel a little bit like there's still a part of me that's a bit conflicted about the whole custom GPT thing and AI in general, but. What I wanted to be able to create for clients was the ability to have an ask and answer and then custom craft EFT scripts ability without me being in the room with them.

Right? Because what I hear from clients a lot is tapping works really well. When I'm being led, I'm like, okay, great. And I will always say, , start with guided tapping scripts. There's so many different people on the internet. Like, look up the tapping solution. Look up Gary Craig. Um, they're the two main, really good quality, um, teachers that I would say.

But there is many, many, many more. And when you [00:20:00] start with tapping, it is easier to be guided. But what I was noticing in clients was sometimes the preset. Custom scripts that you can find in guided. , Not custom scripts, sorry. Scripts that you can find on the internet, for instance, are not the, it's not the fear that you've actually got running the show.

So if we go back to our example, if this lady went to do a podcast interview and she felt the fear rising in her where that, like, the part of her that was like, what the hell am I doing? You're gonna stuff that up. This is not available to us, da, dah, dah, dah. She could actually have resources herself before then, and ideally on a daily basis, this is not just.

Do it only when you need it. Like the more that you can expand your energetic capacity to be calm and at peace, the better things are overall, right? So investing in these self devotion tools and techniques on a more regular basis is very powerful as well. And so she could have gone. [00:21:00] Accessed Unapologetic, which is what my beautiful truth unleashing bot is called and either speak to it about, can you help me decode the fear that's coming up, or can you help me understand why visibility and marketing and sharing my work in the world is feeling so freaking hard and having unapologetic.

Help you to reverse engineer what might be under the surface, because the surface might be, oh, I really fluffed that podcast interview. I really felt like I couldn't talk about myself. In the world. But underneath that, there might be a real fear of like success. And so the fear of success needs to be decoded to understand it.

And then we add in custom scripts. So custom scripts written by the custom GPT, which I've taught to coach like me, which is a bit freaky in itself. And then using it in real time. And the coolest thing is because chat GPT is actually a verbal, they're [00:22:00] rolling out their, voice recognition. , So you can speak to chat GPT.

, I've got it on my, what did I work out my phone, but not my computer yet. When you look it up, it's rolling through different regions at different times, so you may or may not have it, but eventually you'll be able to just talk backwards and forwards to this bot thing. I would always choose the voice that you like.

I've got mine on a little Scottish man at the moment. That was a really bad Scottish accent. Sorry. People from Scotland. Yeah, but you can talk backwards and forwards and be like, you know what? I am really feeling like I've got a lot of fear and resistance coming up. Can you help me understand what's going on?

And then if it feels like something that you want to do, then you can intervene. With a custom tapping script, and it'll guide you in real time through all of the layers, through the whole recipe. Now, as a bonus, you also get access to my full masterclass and workbook so that you can do this whole process from beginning to end and go into it with eyes wide open about what to do if you do get overwhelmed with emotion, because [00:23:00] that is a possibility.

So just to make sure that you know, from a trauma informed and safe perspective. What is best practice so that you can actually hold yourself well, hold yourself well, which is really, really important to me. Like I, I wish I could just gift. I wish that I could just. Gift all of the women in business who want to get their genius out into the world, who want to get their message out into the world, just to say to them, look, strategy is only part of it.

It is this soul tending and self devotion that will make the difference between success and growth through a lens of love and evolution and success and growth through the lens of resistance and fear and it all feeling hard. It doesn't have to feel hard. And I understand that if that's your set point, which it was mine as well, then it takes a little growth, right?

And this is, this is why instead of being up here with all that, you know [00:24:00] already in your brain, we need you down in your body actually talking to your energy, talking to this beautiful flow. It's like life force in your veins and in. A fear state that life force is choked or it's completely depleted and you've got nothing there to sustain you.

And when you can actually intervene and create these self tending, self devotion times, you start to build from this foundation of, you know what, no matter what comes up in my business, no matter how big and wild the fear is. Because it's inev inevitable that on this wild ride, fear will come up a hundred percent of the time.

Not all the time, but it's a hundred percent likely that it will come up. Once you know that you've got tools that work for you like you're free baby, because it doesn't matter what comes up, you've developed the use of self devotion, which anchors your [00:25:00] business in calm and peace and flow, and in your genius zone and in self-trust.

Because that is going to count for way more than the perfect website or the perfect podcast pitch, or any other bloody strategy on top of a shaky foundation of fear around being seen. So if you would love to have one of those beautiful tools in your pocket, I'm so excited to bring Unapologetic to you.

I feel really, like I said, I do have some conflict around the AI end of things. At the heart of it, I want to create useful tools that are accessible to people that don't require a $20,000 price tag or anything wanky like that, that are actually available and can be used. From now until the end of time?

Well, I won't say that because who knows where I'll be in 20 years time, whilst the, the, um, membership portal is open and at the moment she is half [00:26:00] price, so $75 US for everything that I've just. Talked about and ongoing access to custom GPT that you can actually use in real time to interrupt these fear patterns, build your capacity to be seen and heard, and then you can deliver your genius to the world in a way that doesn't feel like, ugh, pushing a big rock up a hill.

All right, my friends, so much love to you. Bye-bye.

 Thanks for tuning in to another episode. If this episode lit a fire in your body, in your business, deep down in your bones, please take a moment to drop a rating and review. So more rebels just like you can find us. And don't keep this goodness to yourself. Share it with your disruptive, rebel, and revolutionary friends who are ready to roar right alongside of you.

Until next time, stay wild, stay unapologetic, and stay fucking free.